this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
