Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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