well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
