I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
