i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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