I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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