He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
