he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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