Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
