I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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