If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
