a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
