Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
