I met the friendliest cop last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
