I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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