just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
