Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
