Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
