I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
