why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
