I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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