I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
