my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
