turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
