this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
