For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Enjoy the penises
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
