i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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