we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
