Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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