There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
