And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
