Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
