3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
