dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
