Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Couch. On fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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