just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
