i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Be still, my beating vagina.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
