how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
