Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
