ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im part way to drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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