....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
