I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
