so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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