i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
