Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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