I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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