whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
