my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
