saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
