Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
